Looking back, and looking forward.

The last few months have been insane. I made it through my 2nd year at uni with a first, sent the summer exploring London and Paris with my best friends, worked my ass off, travelled to NYC, and applied for a volunteer programme that could literally change my life. Looking back, the last 4 months have been incredible, and I experienced so much, but hindsight is a beautiful thing.

I was starting to forget that this little blog even existed. But as I sit here, in my shitty ground floor bedroom in my shitty third year student house, I remember why I started this blog in the first place. To ground me when I was lost, and to find comfort in what I love to do: write. Really, I just needed to remind myself that this is here, that I’ll need it sometimes more than others, and that’s alright.

So what’s really going on with me, right now? Well that’s a really good question, and I really wish I knew how to answer it. The truth is, there’s so much going on that my feet are barely touching the ground. Third year so far has been a whirlwind, but I’m barely even a month into the semester. The workload is insane, I have so much to read, and so much to write, but I can’t complain because I fucking love it, and I know next year I’ll feel so lost without a long list of looming deadlines.

Really, uni has saved me more times than I can count. It’s a constant, and I need that. I need the stress  to make me feel real and I need the reading to reignite my love of literature every time I turn a page. I need the routine and the structure and the fun and the parties and the love and the support more that I need the piece of paper that I’ll end up with. Looking back it’s been really fucking difficult, and I know the months ahead with be harder still, but my God, I wouldn’t change a second.

But looking back at everything that’s brought me to where I am now is really kinda scary. I’m finally starting to appreciate how far I’ve come, and all the exciting things that are waiting for me. I’m surrounded by the most amazing group of people I could ask for, there’s even a guy on the scene (maybe? we’ll see) I have an interview next week to spend a year travelling the world with the most amazing charity, and I think I’ve decided on studying to become a teacher later on down the track. But for right now, I’m trying to concentrate on all the little moments in everyday that make everything worth it.

I guess what I’m really trying to remind myself is that I just need to breathe. Amongst the craziness and the drama and the stress, I know, deep down, that I can do this, and everything will be okay.

H x

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